I didn't ever realize how much I missed having friends until after I dropped Deanna off today. I wanted to cry on my way home. It makes me feel bad for all the times I get angry or jealous and say bad things about my friends just to make myself feel better when I'm scared we're falling apart.

It was nice talking to someone who goes to the same school, who feels the way I do, who even grew up in the same state and then moved to yet again the same state. Funny.

Too bad my house isn't much fun... nehhh step mothers!


I can't wait til Kevin gets back tomorrow. I'm at his house by myself. Seems odd. But I wanted to come here. It feels more like home. I couldn't stand being in my house a lone. At least here there is internet, and satellite, and I can walk around the house without worrying about running into my step family.


Kevin's up north shooting the movie. I can't believe I miss him. But it's different, when we're not together and he's actually somewhere far. It's not as far as I had thought, it's actually about 2 hours away. But still. I might not get to see him 'til Monday or really late tomorrow night. I miss my baby.


Today I got my hair cut. Deanna and I talked a lot over the past two days and I'm feeling better, although it game me more to think about, like about school and stuff. I want to do something creative. I just don't know what.

And yes, she is going to be the actress in the guys' film. The one that kisses Kevin. But it doesn't bother me too much. I trust both my boyfriend and my friend. And I'm so excited to see her act. Mostly, I'm just thinking about how much time her and I will have to reconnect if I go up north with all of them. I mean, yeah it's weird. But oh well.


I wonder if Deanna would want to help me write a children's story. Or some type of story that we could collaborate on with the art and what not.


I just want to DO something. Because it's sad seeing our talent go unused.


I have to get motivated sooner or later. If Kevin can do it, if I put so much effort into trying to inspire and motivate him... well I can't let myself fail at what I want to do. It'd be very hypocritical.




I'm rambling. I'm hungry.


So how are you all doing?